Controlling Judgement

 Santiago Day:

On the last week of my trip to Peru, Conan Rainwater, a future Jesuit Priest, asked me what I learned about myself during this trip. For some reason, I struggled to choose something I learned. Even though I've had new experiences, reflections, and conversations every day, I still couldn't pick an answer. So instead, I reflected upon my observations and internal thoughts, I kept coming back to the idea that as human beings, we are constantly standing in judgment of others. He immediately responded saying that "the longest distance is from your head to your heart." In other words, while we may constantly be in judgment of others, what you do with that judgment is what truly matters. So, I guess my answer is this: My judgment of other people is normal, we all have observations about the world around us; but I also learned that judgment does not need to be negative or issued without the intent of love. 

For example, last week, I went to Sullumayo, a small village 14,000 ft in the Mountains of Peru, to visit and experience the daily life of my brother Martin Day. On the day of my visit the Secondary school students had “formation”. Every day for formation, two of the student's mothers are supposed to cook and prepare lunch for the teachers and students. Which led to the discovery that one of the first graders, Ronal's mother, did not show up. Everyone’s predisposed judgment of  the situation was that Ronal was irresponsible and immature for not telling his mother it was her turn. Ronal would only look into the ground for a few minutes, not moving and listening to his teachers. The teachers told him to go back home, which is a 2 hour bike ride. Slowly but surely, Ronal moved to exit the campus on his bike, but we noticed he had gone in the wrong direction. An hour later, he came back sobbing. It wasn't that he was irresponsible or immature. It was that his mother left him that week. His mother had left the village and Sullumayo. Ronal couldn't tell his mother. My heart dropped. I was at a loss for words. Here I thought the young 12-year-old had forgotten to tell his mother. Like everyone else,  I misused my judgment, not connecting my head and heart. Who knows why the mother left? It could have been because of physical abuse or something similar. It could have been neglect. My point is I don't know why his mother left, and it is not my place to omit a negative judgment upon her. So instead, I decided to respond positively rather than negatively. I chose to analyze the situation in a light that comforted Ronal, instead of making assumptions about his situation. So I gave his class a soccer ball: a ball that brought smiles to children's faces, a ball that they ended up playing with all day. Who knew that a tiny ball from the target could make these kids happy? This was an example of using judgment and controlling that judgment by turning a frown into a smile. I had managed to connect that long distance and turned away the awful thoughts and judgment to create an incredible moment for Ronal and his classmates.

My time in Peru has been met with many challenges and new experiences. Upon each conversation I have seen struggles in these communities that are different from my own. Over time, I learned to stop making assumptions and predisposed judgments. I learned that power of listening, truly listening. Sometimes the best action you can take is in thought and understanding.